Feeling like a fat sloth......

A few months ago I was consistently running a good 30-35kms a week - I was eating well and my weight was at a good level. Now I am about 5kgs heavier that I would like, I haven't run, let alone do anything for two weeks (except an interupted run last Sunday) and now I feel like a big sloth.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, though, I am going to pack the bathers tomorrow and hit the pool for a half hour session tomorrow night. I've been saying for a while now that I will get back to the pool, but this time I really mean it. I really want to get back into running and I want to be able to keep up some of my fitness during this time off, so really my only option at this point is to get into the water. Tonight I even tried on my bathing suit - I need to attend to the forrest that is growing in certain places that hasn't been attended to since last summer! I feel yuk in a bathing suit, but it's really only that quick 10seconds of getting in and out of the water where anyone else will see me, so that really isn't so bad. I just need to get over it and get out there and do it - no point complaining about feeling like a heifer - I won't manage to keep the weight off by sitting on the couch.

I like to think of this as a little test of my motivation to really become a runner - runner's need good determination and even better discipline - this pool thing will certainly test out my resolve to be a runner!!

OUCH!!!!!!!!

So tonight I went to see the sports doc - well actually there were no appointments left for the sports doc, so I saw a senior physiotherapist instead (gee, you'd think that there's a marathon coming up soon or something!! LOL). Anyway, had my appointment tonight - fully expected that my x-ray results would be in, but they weren't - apparently the Angliss don't actually send the results out - I was meant to request them on disk (which is NOT what they told me at the hospital, but anyhoo). Sports doc made me hop (still painful and not a good sign), then asked me to jump up on the bed at which point I begged him not to poke at me! He poked at me! OUCH!!!!! He found that my most painful spot is in the middle third of my leg - not a spot usually associated with stress fractures in his experience (so that was positive!). He certaintly thinks that I have overdone the training given I am still tender now and my inability to hop properly. He also zapped me with the ultrasound machine - it's meant to hurt if I had a fracture, and it didn't hurt at all, so that was another positive sign.

Then he proceeded to give me the most painful massage I could ever imagine - really digging down deep into my muscles. OMG - I couldn't help but cry out a couple of times, which was a bit embarrassing, but he just kept talking about other things trying to take my mind off it, which was great - a MUCH needed distraction!

Afterwards my shin felt quite good - nice and relaxed (I can finally walk properly again). Sports doc told me to take it easy this weekend and keep off it as much as possible, but to get to the pool to help keep my fitness up. Cycling, walking, etc is still out - the half is definately out also!

I now need to get the x-rays from the stupid hospital next week, go back to the pod on Tuesday and just keep off my shins for the next couple of days.

I can't wait to get back out running again - I feel like a massive heifer - my jeans are so tight that they now cut into my stomach - yuck!! We are having people over tomorrow and the only pants that fit right are my daggy trackky pants. It's such a horrible feeling - I'm disappointed that the bike has been ruled out - I love the bike. I guess I will just have to bite the bullet and hit the pool *shudder*.......

Injury Update

So, I went to see the podiatrist last night - I really had no idea what to expect, but it was soooo much better than I thought it would be. He assessed my walk without shoes, with shoes and prodded around my shins to see if he could determine if I have a muscle injury, or a bone problem. At the start of the appointment he was quite upbeat telling me that his aim is to get me back in action for the half in two weeks, but after a poke around of my shins, he started to say things like 'well it's only a race, there are plenty of others you could do'. The prognosis isn't great - the pod didn't want to say I have a stress fracture until after we get xrays and bone scans, but it's what he was alluding to. He prodded both the muscle and the bone of my shins (it was quite excruciating in some places!!) and determined that the worst pain was along the bone of my left shin.

He also got me out on the footpath to assess my running style - no surprise he concluded that I run like an elephant! It's not the first time I have heard someone describe it as that - I tend to land very heavily and he thinks that has contributed to my injury. He wants to see me again next week and will give me some pointers on technique, which will be good!

So, the pod referred me to have some x-rays taken, which I did today at the local hospital. I have a referral to see the sports doctor at the clinic on Friday, so hopefully I will have a better idea about things then. I have read on the net that x-rays don't always show up the fractures, unless they are at an advanced stage - considering that I can walk quite normally, I wonder if it will actually show up anything. I guess we'll see!!

My left shin aches today after all of the poking and prodding - I can't decide if it's real pain, or just psychological because I can't stop thinking about it. You know when you just concentrate on one thing and it's all you can think about??? Well, that's me with my shins. I have pretty much talked myself out of doing the half now, which isn't great......if the pod says next week that I can do it, then I'm in a bit of trouble! Such a defeatist attitude, I know, but I really do think that I shouldn't run it - I think I could do the 10km - just for that sensation of running onto the G. It provides a bit of a dilemna, though - I really want to cheer on my husband who is running the full and my running buddy who is doing the half. A will probably take around 2 hrs for the half and S will take around 4ish hours for the full - what will I do at the G by myself for 2 hours until A finishes if I am not running?? I so want to see her start and finish, though - will have to bring a good book (and maybe a pillow!!).

This whole thing has made me rethink my running future - the easy way out (and the one I was going to go with on Sunday) would be to give up, but the truth is that I know I overdid it the weekend of that camp and I did know better than to not listen to my body, so this is something that just happened out of the blue because I abused my body and pushed too hard. I will be able to get back again and give this running thing a good try - oh and the other reason is that I have committed to the rather expensive treatment now (pod is talking about orthotics), so I will have to run my whole life now just to justify the expense! LOL

Reflection

It's been a weird couple of days - Sat I was all full of hope at being able to get out on Sunday and try a run. Well I can say that I did try to run, but I didn't last. I met up with Al, Lynelle and her friend Erin at the Tan - they were all out to do about 16kms, but I just wanted to stick to a couple of laps of the Tan to test out my shins. Well, I started out with the girls and managed to complete about half a lap before I felt the pain in my shins. I resigned myself to walking up Anderson street hill (any excuse, huh??) and met the girls at the top. I told them to keep going, whilst I stretched out and thought about continuing. I tried running downhill for a bit and that's where I think it all came unstuck - that pesky stabbing pain in my shins started up again - eventually it got to the point where it just hurt too much to continue, so I stopped and walked back to the car - not even able to finish one lap - pretty sad!!

I met Simon back at the car and had a little cry to him - I felt so dejected and I was convinced that I had blown my chances of running the half in two weeks time.

Today my shins still hurt - there is a little stabbing pain when I walk and also a general throbbing pain when I stand for too long - both not great signs! I iced both shins tonight and last night, but both are still quite sore. I have an appointment with the podiatrist tomorrow, so we'll see what they say - I'm hoping just for shin splints and not stress fractures, but I just can't tell at this stage. I spent a long time tonight looking on the net to find out what each should feel like, but it's like finding a needle in a hay stack - everyone experiences things differently. I do have a pretty low pain threshold, so what is painful to me, is probably not even something that someone else would even bother about.

So, tonight my shins throb and I can't sleep - I have just taken some Nurofen, so am waiting for that to kick in (Nurofen is my new best friend!!). I thought instead of lying in bed thinking poor me - I would come online and read a couple of blogs of people who I know have had similar injuries. You know what I got out of it the most??? None of them ever really gave up - yeah, they had their poor me moments, but in the long run, they all got better and are now back running again. My approach yesterday (and also tonight) was that I would just give up running - go back to just going to the gym because it is all too hard. After reading other people's blog tonight, though, it's made me see that I can get over this little hurdle - after my appointment tomorrow night I will have a better idea of where I am at and I can just do as I am told and get back into the running again (albeit slowly and sensibly this time!!). No point in giving up before I have even really begun - I realistically don't think that I will be able to run the half in two weeks, but that doesn't mean that I will never be able to run another half ever again!

Love the internet - thanks to all bloggers that keep it real and inspire others!

Trying to find some inspiration

It's hard to know where to start - three months ago I was doing really well - I had lost a bit of weight and was feeling really good about myself. I had decided to sign up for the melbourne half marathon and I was totally excited about the prospect of running my second half. About a month ago I seemed to hit a bit of a stumbling block - my motivation lacked, I cut right back on my training due to not feeling so great and now the end result is this - two weeks out from the half and I am 5kgs heavier and I think I may have developed shin splints in the process.

I so desperately want to be a runner, but something always holds me back - the annoying thing is that I am like this in every aspect of my life - the classic underacheiver! BUT I want to turn this around - stop all of this negative self-talk and get back to enjoying life. I know that I can become a runner - it will take a lot of hard work, but I WILL get there!!

I will also complete the Melbourne Half - last weekend I cruised through an 18km training run, so I still have a good training base built there. I haven't run since last Sunday when I felt my shins hurt, but I will head out for a run tomorrow morning with the girls and see how I go. With only two weeks left until the half, I will be happy to get through 10kms tomorrow without too much discomfort.

I have a few goals in mind for the coming months -

Lose 6kgs by the middle of December.
Run 10kms under an hour consistently

Enough of the self doubt - more with the positive self talk - I am going to be a runner if it kills me, damn it!!